Why You Can't Just "Breathe Through It" After That Meeting

It's 2:47pm. You've just walked out of a meeting where someone questioned your judgment, talked over your contribution, or made you defend work you've already explained twice. Your shoulders are up around your ears. Your jaw hurts from clenching. There's a hot, tight feeling in your chest that won't shift.

You have 13 minutes before the next meeting. You know you should "calm down." Maybe you try that deep breathing thing from the last workplace wellness session. Focus on your breath. Be present. Let go of the tension.

Except your body won't cooperate. Sitting still feels impossible. Your mind keeps replaying what you should have said. The breathing thing that's supposed to help just makes you more aware of how wound up you are.

Your nervous system is mobilised. Your body has prepared you for action—and it needs to release that mobilising energy before it can settle. Trying to "just breathe" when you're this activated is like trying to park a car while your foot's still on the accelerator. This is why movement often needs to come first.

Your body isn't being difficult—it's being normal

When you walk out of that meeting feeling wired and restless, your nervous system has done exactly what it evolved to do. It detected a threat—in this case, professional conflict, being dismissed, or your competence being questioned—and activated your sympathetic response.

Mobilising energy can feel like this in your body:

• Heart pounding, heat rising in your chest or face
• Shallow, rapid breathing
• Tension locked in your shoulders, jaw, fists
• Restless, can't sit still, want to pace
• Mind racing with replays and what you should've said
• Possibly trembling hands or jittery legs

This isn't anxiety you need to talk yourself out of. This is your body doing its job. From an evolutionary perspective, threats required physical action—fight or flee. Your body doesn't distinguish between a dismissive colleague and a physical danger. It just knows: prepare for action.

The problem is, you can't actually fight or flee in a professional setting. You sit through it, walk calmly back to your desk, and try to carry on. Meanwhile, all that mobilising energy? Still there. Stuck.

Why "just focus on your breath" doesn't work right now

I'm not saying breath work doesn't work. Research consistently shows that diaphragmatic breathing, meditation, and body scanning can shift us from sympathetic (fight-or-flight) to parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) activation. These practices are valuable tools.

But there's a timing issue that workplace wellness programs rarely address.

When your sympathetic nervous system is highly activated—when you're mobilised—you're not in a state that's receptive to settling. Your body is prepared for movement. Asking it to sit still and breathe slowly is like asking a sprinter to meditate mid-race.

The Polyvagal theory, developed by Dr Stephen Porges, helps explain this. Your nervous system operates in different states, and they follow a hierarchy. When you're mobilised, you need to move through that activation before you can access the state where mindfulness practices actually work.

What I've noticed working with overwhelmed professionals is this, forcing breath work too early creates more frustration. You sit there trying to breathe deeply while your body screams to move. Then you feel like you're failing at the one thing that's supposed to help.

You're not failing. The tool is right. The timing is wrong.

Your body needs to complete the cycle

Research on stress and the autonomic nervous system shows that physical movement helps discharge activation. Emily and Amelia Nagoski explored this concept in their work on burnout - your body needs to complete the stress cycle. Animals in the wild shake and move after threat passes. Your body wants to do the same.

The mobilising energy stays trapped in your system.

Animals in the wild shake and move after threat passes. Your body wants to do the same—that's what the restlessness is. That urge to pace. Your system trying to complete what it started.

What actually works: Three strategies you can do between meetings

This is where practical strategy differs from standard wellness advice. When you're mobilised after that difficult meeting, your first step isn't meditation. It's movement. Small, accessible movement that discharges the activation so your nervous system can then settle.

Strategy 1: Walk for five minutes

The most accessible option. Walking gives your mobilised muscles something to do, provides rhythmic bilateral movement that's naturally regulating, and shifts your environment. You don't need to explain it to anyone—you're just stepping out for a moment.

Five minutes. Around your building, down the corridor, to get water. Walk at whatever pace your body wants. If you need to walk briskly, do that. Let your body move how it's asking to move. You're not trying to relax yet—you're discharging energy.

Strategy 2: Wall presses when you can't leave

Next meeting starts in 3 minutes. You can't leave. Try this: stand facing a wall, press your palms flat against it as hard as you can. Push like you're trying to move the wall. Hold for 10-15 seconds. Release completely. Repeat 3-5 times.

At your desk: press your palms down hard on the desk surface. Same thing—10-15 seconds of sustained pressure, then release.

Why this works: you're giving your large muscle groups—the ones prepared for fight or flight—something to actually do. You're creating resistance and releasing it. The mobilising energy has somewhere to go.

Strategy 3: Tension and release through your whole body

Starting at your feet, tense every muscle as tightly as you can. Hold 5-10 seconds, then release completely. Move up through your body: calves, thighs, glutes, abdomen, chest, arms, hands, shoulders, neck, face.

You're not trying to relax yet. You're actively engaging the tension that's already there, then letting it go. The tension-release pattern gives your body what it wants to do with that mobilising energy.

Now try the breath work

After movement—after you've discharged some of that mobilising energy—your nervous system becomes receptive to settling practices. This is when breath work and mindfulness actually work.

Try these now:

• Breathe in for 4 counts, out for 6. The longer exhale activates your parasympathetic system.
• One hand on chest, one on belly. Focus on breathing into your belly rather than your chest.
• Simple body scan. Notice where you're holding tension without trying to change it.

Notice how these feel more accessible now. That's because you've worked with your nervous system's natural process. You released the activation. Now you're supporting the settling.

What becomes possible when you understand your own nervous system

This isn't just about managing one difficult meeting. Understanding this sequence—movement before meditation when you're mobilised—is about building genuine self-knowledge of your stress response patterns.

Not everyone's nervous system works the same. Some people need vigorous movement to discharge activation. Others respond better to gentle, grounding pressure. Some people find breath work helpful once they've moved, whilst others don't connect with breathwork at all and prefer other settling practices like listening to music, being in nature, or gentle stretching. Your own response might vary depending on the intensity of the stressor or how your day has already unfolded. Learning your patterns gives you actual agency over how you respond to stress.

The real shift happens when you can identify what nervous system state you're in at any given moment and match it with the right tool for your time constraints. Two minutes before a Teams meeting? Wall presses. Fifteen-minute break? Walk. Stuck in back-to-back meetings? Seated tension-release. You stop trying to force yourself into whichever wellness practice you "should" be doing and start choosing what actually works for your current state and situation.

As you develop this awareness in yourself, you'll start noticing it in others. That colleague wound tight after a client call. Your partner needing to move before they can talk about their day. Your teenager who genuinely can't "just calm down" after school conflict. Understanding nervous system states changes these interactions—less frustration at people not responding how you think they should, more recognition of what's actually happening physiologically.

When you're mobilised, you need movement. After you've released that activation, you become receptive to settling. Neither is better or worse. They're just different tools for different nervous system states. This is what I mean by meeting yourself where you are.

Your realistic next steps

Next time you walk out of an intense meeting feeling that mobilised energy:

Notice and name it: "I'm mobilised. My body has activation to release."

Move first: Walk, wall presses, or tension-release. Whatever's most accessible. Two to five minutes.

Then settle: Try breath work or a brief body scan. Notice whether it feels more accessible than before movement.

No judgment: Back-to-back meetings are real. Do what you can when you can. Even 30 seconds of desk presses helps more than sitting there trying to force calm.

Pay attention to your patterns: Which strategy helps you most? Does it vary by situation? What does mobilisation feel like specifically for you? This self-knowledge becomes your most powerful tool.

This isn't about adding more tasks to your overwhelming day. t's about understanding what your body's telling you and responding in a way that works with your nervous system, not against it.

You're not failing at mindfulness when sitting still doesn't work. You're using the right tool at the wrong time. Movement first. Then meditation. That's how you work with your body's natural regulation process.

Understanding your nervous system is just one piece of moving from exhausted to energised. In my From Exhausted to Energised program, we dive deep into how stress affects your energy, sleep, digestion, and food choices—and build a personalised toolkit that works with your real life, not against it. Learn more about the program here.

The information provided is for educational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult with your healthcare provider before making changes to your health routine, especially if you have existing medical conditions or are taking medications.